I promised myself that this would be the year that I took more time for myself. In fact, I promise that every year but I hoped that this would finally be the one where I made good on it and practiced what I always preach. I've written about balance and the importance of taking a time out but lately I find myself wondering what that really means or whether it's even possible. And with all the surprises that life loves to throw I've found that planning is more something I do in theory so that I can feel productive because things rarely go as I set them out. Do you do that? I feel such satisfaction making lists and checking items off but then when things inevitably fall to the wayside it can be so depressing. One positive that comes from the utterly unexpected is that I think I've finally learned to embrace the chaos and accept the fact that I simply cannot control everything.
The new year has gotten off to a great start and I'm feeling lucky both personally and professionally. Many experiences that I've had so far have been surprises that have left me feeling full of hope and motivation. And, importantly, I've shocked myself by carving out the time that I didn't realize I missed so much to be with myself, for myself. A couple of weeks ago I went to a movie alone and and last week I went to the Met because I was in the neighborhood and had time to kill between appointments. The free time rarely exists and I was trying to remember the last time I did that and I couldn't. It's not always going to be possible but if I can take even thirty minutes, I'm going to grab it. Even just walking down the street with my camera and photographing random details of life happening around me (like I always did) makes me want to be out and participate more. Knowing that having these moments makes me feel calmer which ultimately makes me a better mom, wife and artist, is reason enough to make the time and keep that very important promise to myself.