Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I save everything, or why it pays to be a hoarder


 

I save everything.  I save the obvious things like journals, birthday cards, letters (remember those?) from old friends,  and matchbooks and the not-so-obvious and hardly ever necessary things like clothes I'll never wear again, concert tickets, and (very) old magazines.  I can't stand a mess so obviously I've got these two opposing sides of my personality constantly warring with each other - my crazy need to save things "just in case" and my constant need to declutter my living space and my mind.  I've gotten a lot better over the years and especially since I had the baby but it should come as no surprise that the one thing I will always save is a photograph.  I take photos because I love to hold on to memories.  Even unpleasant memories serve a purpose -- a broken heart, a missed opportunity, a fight with a friend -- and maybe that's why I feel like I can't ever get rid of anything.  I like knowing where I've been and how far I've come and I like to think that even though I've made mistakes and even have some regrets, I've grown because of them. 


The other day I was cleaning out my hard drive for what seems like the millionth time and I came across a folder of images from November 2008.  This picture was taken shortly before this one and I got to thinking about that night.  It had been over a year since I left my job and I was feeling out of sorts with the holidays coming and my new career at somewhat of a crossroads -- I was either going to keep trying or give up on this path altogether.  I was waiting for a friend in the rain on this cold night in New York and I felt like everything was a bit of a blur.  The photos were too literal and I took a look at them a few days later and decided I hated them.  I tucked them away into a folder in the abyss that is my computer and it's funny because it was a strange time for me then and looking back now I can't believe how much things have changed and how happy I am that I kept going and pushed myself to today.

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3 comments:

dreamday said...

beautiful.

ana {bluebirdkisses} said...

you're such an inspiration Monica. and this photo is beautiful. it reminds me of an oil painting. the lights against the wet pavement look like brush strokes. goreous

Monica L. Shulman said...

marni, thank you dear.

Ana, thank you so much. that means a lot to me to hear you say that. x