Thursday, February 16, 2012

A tall order


I don't have enough time to do everything I want to and feel like I need to do.  I've had this feeling hanging over me for ages.  I make my lists and talk about finding my balance and in theory I do, but really, something always falls to the wayside.  I know I work really hard at everything I do.  Being a good mom and wife, sister, friend.  I work hard at my work (and I love it) and I work especially hard at being good to myself because I tend to be my own worst enemy.  And really, if I'm not good to myself or believe in myself, then everything else will suffer.  Maybe finding my balance starts with simply believing that I can do it.

It's so easy (for me, at least) to go down that road of self-doubt, to wonder whether I'm making the right choices and decisions.  I really don't like speaking in cliche, but the truth is that I've found that as long as I go with my gut at any given moment with whatever it is that I am faced with, things have a way of working themselves out.  I think people (and by people I mean me) know deep down what is right or wrong for them but I also think that we allow ourselves to have those moments overcome by our own questions and second-guessing.  Sometimes it's good to have that back and forth with yourself but other times it just ruins what you plainly know you should and can do.

One of my resolutions this year was to believe more in myself and to recognize myself because I deserve it.  Why is this such a tall order?  I want to teach my girl that she should be good to herself.  And, the best way to teach our kids is by example.  Every day I tell her how special she is and how much we love her and how happy she makes us.  I tell her stories about all of the adventures we've been on so far and all the wonders that are to come and I know she understands me and believes me.  And I believe me too.

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